The toughest thing for me to do is to pass time at work when there is absolutely no work(not even documentation) to be done. Today has been one such day and a certain cold virus seems to have taken a liking to me, making the wait for the day to end even more hellish.Thanks to the recession I cant even catch a few zzzzs at my desk and have to pretend to be busy.So, I've decided to make a list of the things I would like to see happening in my lifetime.Here goes..
1. First things first. A CURE for common cold.
2. On the bus I always seem to end up next to people with whom I cant keep a conversation going.Feeling tongue-tied isn't so great. So, I would like an invisibility cloak!! A La Harry P.
3. I am a vegetarian and will remain one all my life. It's comforting to know my food wasn't clucking, swimming,wooing a mate or lazing around before I ate it.I am tired of people telling me what I am missing out on by being a vegetarian.So, each time someone says that to me from now on I want them to develop Alektorophobia (fear of chickens).A little too harsh I know, but heyy it's my list.
4. Plain old boring black uncomfortable office chairs should be replaced with Lazyboys.
5. Diet, Lite, low fat, sugar free, sugarless,substitute,soya, regular: I've tried every kind of chocolate there is and the sad truth is that chocolate makes you fat. I want chocolate that helps you lose weight!!! Ah Bliss!!!
6. I have always loved chase sequences in movies. I want to get get into a taxi one day and say "Taxi, Follow that taxi!!!" with good reason of course.
7. I want to drive a volvo truck!!!
8. I want to go backpacking alone and send postcards to all my friends :).
9. It's embarrassing when your stomach growls. It's worse when the packet of chips or biscuits you are trying to open to feed your tummy protests loudly. I want food packaged in something silent and well behaved. I am ready to pay extra.
10. People should work only 4 days a week. Wednesday should be compulsorily off. Also going on vacations must be mandatory.
I have to abandon this list for now as I am not as jobless as I thought I was. I had better stop day-dreaming and get back to the grind.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Love Actually
Here's my take on what happened at Mangalore. Our poor ineligible bachelor wanted just 10 seconds of fame.He kept whining about how non-entities and terrorists get so much TV coverage nowadays to his fellow non-entities.They came up with a brilliant plan. Since they were already non-entities they just had to fulfill the terrorist criterion as well.
After much brainstorming they came up with nothing.So they got drunk and decided to get even more sloshed at a pub where they were denied entry ofcourse.This must have hurt their fragile male egos.So they decided to take on women in the pub since female foeticide, wife beating and attrocities against women are pretty much the norm in this country. This way they satisfied the terrorist criterion as well.And what have we!!!!! Muthalik and his band of crazy men are more popular than the Pope.
Fame, they say is addictive. And hence the whole ban on Valentine's day and "its against Indian culture" blah.Muthalik is the man you know. Women are sending pink chaddis to him in droves.Must be loving(oops I used the taboo word) it, with due respect to Indian culture.Kinky chap!! :).But he must pretend to be a virtuous "Indian" and send all the women saris in return. Probably his way of saying "Heyy saris are more comfy than pink thongs.I've tried them myself.You've got to let it all hang out baby "
My personal favourite tactic is getting unmarried couples seen hanging around together on Feb 14th married off.Heyy what happens to the married lot???? dude you've got to be clear with your agenda.Is it Valentine's day you are against or does seeing unmarried couples make you go green with envy?? Please decide or you'll just come across sounding like a hypocrite.Women dont find that sexy(oops I did it again).Just say I wont tolerate Valentine's day irrespective of people's marital status(and pray like mad that some woman finds that irreristible) or just go on air and make puppy eyes and say "Somebody love me .. Please!!!!". I have a feeling the second option will work out better.
If you dont change your game plan now buddy I'm sure you'll never get what you secretly hope to get(some TLC I say :) ). When William Congreve said "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" he must've known something that you dont.
After much brainstorming they came up with nothing.So they got drunk and decided to get even more sloshed at a pub where they were denied entry ofcourse.This must have hurt their fragile male egos.So they decided to take on women in the pub since female foeticide, wife beating and attrocities against women are pretty much the norm in this country. This way they satisfied the terrorist criterion as well.And what have we!!!!! Muthalik and his band of crazy men are more popular than the Pope.
Fame, they say is addictive. And hence the whole ban on Valentine's day and "its against Indian culture" blah.Muthalik is the man you know. Women are sending pink chaddis to him in droves.Must be loving(oops I used the taboo word) it, with due respect to Indian culture.Kinky chap!! :).But he must pretend to be a virtuous "Indian" and send all the women saris in return. Probably his way of saying "Heyy saris are more comfy than pink thongs.I've tried them myself.You've got to let it all hang out baby "
My personal favourite tactic is getting unmarried couples seen hanging around together on Feb 14th married off.Heyy what happens to the married lot???? dude you've got to be clear with your agenda.Is it Valentine's day you are against or does seeing unmarried couples make you go green with envy?? Please decide or you'll just come across sounding like a hypocrite.Women dont find that sexy(oops I did it again).Just say I wont tolerate Valentine's day irrespective of people's marital status(and pray like mad that some woman finds that irreristible) or just go on air and make puppy eyes and say "Somebody love me .. Please!!!!". I have a feeling the second option will work out better.
If you dont change your game plan now buddy I'm sure you'll never get what you secretly hope to get(some TLC I say :) ). When William Congreve said "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" he must've known something that you dont.
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